The long and satisfying 28,000-year history of the dildo

A headline bound to get you up in the morning — a 2,000 year old dildo from ancient Rome has just been discovered.

The 16-centimetre wooden phallus was originally uncovered at the Roman fort of Vindolanda in Northumberland in 1992. It was originally catalogued as a darning tool – a sewing technique for repairing fabric with a needle and thread – likely because it was discovered next to a number of garments and craft waste.

However, after a series of “very interesting discussions,” researchers have decided the real purpose of this tool was a little less darn and a lot more damn.